Pain That Won't Heal, But Can Fade
by lulumagic
Summary: Emma Herz is rated 14th in the 104th Trainees Squad which means she can't go to the Military Police, the safest place in the military. After Trost falls and Emma witnesses Marco Bodt's dead body, can she recover? Can she rebuild the world that is crumbled to her? What branch will she join? Can she survive?
1. Prelude: Ranking

"1, Ackerman Mikasa. 2, Braun Reiner. 3, Fubar Bertholdt. 4, Leonhardt Annie. 5, Jeager Eren. 6, Kirschtein Jean. 7, Bodt Marco. 8, Springer Connie. 9, Braus Sasha. 10, Renz Christa." They listed off the names of the top ten. They were going to list until the top 20 but only the top ten would have a place in the Military Police, the safest place in the military. I stood there gritting my teeth. I wasn't safe.

"Dang." I whisper under my breath listening to the rest of the names being listed. I want to be in the top 20. That much and it proves that I am worth being here.

"… 14, Herz Emma..." 14. I was 14th. 4 away from the top ten. I look at the ground.

"Hey congrats on 14th!" Philomena said with a smile. Her wavy brown hair falling to her shoulder. She was quite tiny, not height wise, her figure was small and was a few inches smaller than my 5'9" height. After taking a moment to look on my face she understood the situation. "You thought you would actually be in the top ten? Wow, come on. My name wasn't even called!" she said in an effort to comfort me.

"Yeah well its not my fault we had machines in our training squad." I say rolling my eyes. Philomena just chuckles and focuses her energy on thought. She does that sometimes, she will just stand there with her eyes open and her mind someplace else. "Whatever." I say half to my self and turn to grab some refreshments.

Turning I trip on my own feet. As I fall forward I pray no one sees me. Just before I hit the ground an arm wraps around me pulling me back to the upright position. "Sorry..." I mumble looking up. A blush crosses my cheeks as Marco holds my waist.

"Are you okay?" Marco says smiling. His eyes shine as his freckles dance on his face.

"Yeah, thanks." I manage to say. "Congrats on getting 7th." I say trying to get away from the situation I put myself in.

"Oh, thank you." Marco says his cheeks turning a faint pink color which causes mine to grow a darker shade of pink. "Congrats on 14th Emma." he says sweetly.

"You know my name?" I say flustered. He just laughs lightly and smiles.

"Hey Marco, come on over here I have some bread for you!" Jean calls across the room.

"Well, thank you." I say as he waves and returns to his friends.

"What was that?" Philomena asks a smile playing on her lips.

"Nothing." I sneer and head out to my room.


	2. 1: The Squad

I stand there in a fog as I put my 3D Maneuver Gear on. We were just informed the Colossal Titan has appeared and destroyed the gate into Trost, they need all of the trainees to help the citizens leave by acting as a decoy. Of course they didn't say we were going to our deaths but I know better. I have seen what the titans do, I know we can't eliminate them. Today we are going to our deaths.

"Geschickt. You are in Herz's squad." a member of the Garrison says to my friend. She just nods obviously thinking deeply about something.

"Yo, Mena!" I say to her. I know that if she keeps this up she will go mad. "I need you here right now, I don't want any of the people under my control to die because of your carelessness." I say in an attempt to draw her out of her head, but it is true. The fact that I am leading a group to their deaths sickens me. "Philomena Geschickt. Look here. If you think to much you will die. Right now I need you to act on instinct. Your clever I know you can do this, now pay attention. If you can pay attention you can live." I say reminding her of the reality of the situation. Of course she knows she will die. We both were there when Maria fell. We know we can't win. She looks me in the eye and nods. "At-a-girl! Now lets go win!" I say giving a cocky smile.

"Remember your pride." She says with a sly smile. I just smile and meet with the rest of my squad, Mena right behind me.

"E-Emma?" a shy girl, Shelby, asks. Her short blond hair hung down allowing the wind to move it slightly. "Are we going to... To die?" She asks, tears brimming her eyes. I give her a faint smile.

"Of course not! You do have a leader like me, right!" I say with an extra dose of cheer. It hurts to lie to such a sweet girl but moral is everything in war. Her blue eyes light up, she nods in agreement and smiles lightly.

"Tod and Zach you will be in the at Mena and I's flanks." I explain to the two boys in our squad. They nod solemnly. Zach's bright red hair was short and his skin was pale, it looked as though just by touching him he could shatter. He was tall and lanky and had a look of hopelessness on his face at all times. Tod was much more cocky. He was broad and strong, his tan skin and black hair seemed to completely contrast with Zach's weak-looking build. Even with Tod's cockiness and Zach's weak façade I trusted my squad. Tod was great in battle being at the top of the class in our 3D Maneuver Gear training. Zach was exact with every movement, he can plan and execute said plan within seconds. Shelby was quick and was best on defense, she can easily evade enemy attacks. Philomena is a genius. She can out-plan anyone and always receive the best results, I often depend on her for all my plans. I would like to say I am good at everything, but I am sure that would be a lie. "Shelby you are in between Tod and Zach." I finish.

"Okay, you guys ready?" I say with a surprising amount of optimism.

"Yes Ma'am!" The squad responds. My squad I will lead to death.


End file.
